My Video Intro

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146

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This is the product safety sticker that accompanies all my speech:

There was a Pratt and Whitney JT9D 7-series compressor recovered from Murray Street in New York on 9-11, the precise identification of which is detailed in the Capta Brightstick Document. That incompatible engine hardware precludes Flight 175's presence at the scene of the crime and indicts the jurisdiction known as United States as criminal. If you are a member of a grand jury or jury, or if you are a judge, and if this product safety sticker has been removed from whatever speech of mine may have been presented to you, it is because the prosecutor is pulling a fast one on you and doesn't want you to know that the federal government auto-executed itself in a grand ceremony for all to see. Please have a nice day.

Updated legalese, added 11/1/2012 on the occasion of realizing that every time I go to court, Madame Prosecutor is forever waving around my intellectual property contained herein, content to use my words against me without having the decency to buy her ticket to my show. Well, here's something you can wave around: "I, Christopher King, do hereby plead guilty to whatever it is that Madame Prosecutor may allege. I'm rotten to the core and I secretly make fun of the judge all the time. As a result, I --and here these are my words, the words of the prosecutor and not of Mister King-- I have luscious melon breasts and I think the judge is the worst thing ever to happen to the court. You hear me, judge? That's right. I, Madame Prosecutor, secretly hate you and I think your rulings blow. I would like the record to reflect that Mister King is well hung and I ache for his tender ministrations. I suck, the prosecutor's office sucks, the judge sucks, and Mister King is a national treasure despite his plainly stating that he is guilty of all allegations that may ever be made. He plainly confirms that he is a dangerous terrorist. There. Let the record try to sort out who is who in this statement."

http://youtu.be/rJDztqCG91g

"Ta da! Behold Assclown Jurisdiction United States!"

End of product safety sticker.

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Buy your ticket to my show!

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Oh. So the big push for the swine flu vaccine was misguided after all?

The long-term health damage caused by the great H1N1 swine flu scam “pandemic” of 2009 — and particularly the mass vaccination campaign that accompanied it — is already becoming apparent in the form of an autoimmune disorder. A new review published in the journal Public Library of Science ONE confirms that Pandemrix, a swine flu vaccine produced by drug giant GlaxoSmithKline (GSK), is responsible for causing an up to 1700 percent increase in narcolepsy among children and teenagers under 17 years of age.
Based on their findings, a cohort of scientists has determined that narcolepsy rates increased significantly following mass vaccination campaigns with Pandemrix. Compiled data has revealed that between 2002 and 2009, the narcolepsy rate among children under age 17 was 0.31 per 100,000. But in 2010, that number jumped to 5.3 per 100,000, which represents a 17-fold increase.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/swine-flu-vaccines-cause-17-fold-increase-in-narcolepsy-horrified-scientists-discover.html

Under no circumstances would I ever permit any child of mine to be vaccinated. For anything. If it's not simian cancer viruses winding up in the polio vaccine, it's the Gardasil shot causing some sort of weird brain damage in the teenage girls. And now it's the swine flu shot giving you narcolepsy.

You know that corporations cut corners, right? Oh wait; is that just a conspiracy theory, then? Is it a conspiracy theory to point out the fly-by-night home builders that cut corners and use inferior concrete? Or that such and such a contractor didn't weld the bridge according to specifications, resulting in its collapse?

I see. Wow, you're a very trusting person.

Corporations often make mistakes. Or they cut corners.

Why would you permit someone to inject some unknown substance into your body? Are you stupid?

To permit your child to be inoculated by some stranger with some unknown substance is a dereliction of your parental duty. Would you permit someone to walk up to you and your child on the playground and force some unknown substance into his mouth?

"Oh, it's okay, Johnny. Eat it. I've no idea what it is. But the man says it's to help you. To doubt his motives would make me a conspiracy theorist."

Vaccines cause autism, by the way. (Ignore everything printed on newsprint or spoken from the television on the matter. Those media's credibility is zero and their opinions no longer exist.) A child's developing immune system is easily disturbed by an onslaught of vaccines. These vaccines ruin the immune system and cause brain inflammation, especially in boys, whose blood-brain barrier is not as impermeable as that of girls.

Autism is chiefly caused by environmental toxins which take advantage of genetic weaknesses.

This kid's brain was fried by vaccines --the shoddy products of the medical establishment. They get ya comin' and goin': Sell you the products that make you sick, then they drain the system dry with their home health aide services. See how the con works around here?

So this kid will spend his life drooling --all because some corporation wanted to make some money.

Do not EVER vaccinate yourself or your child. It is poison and cannot begin to compare with the recuperative power and genius of the human immune system.