Isn't this form of communication so much more convenient for me? It's the comedy equivalent of certified mail. It saves the cost of a stamp. And you never reply anyway, so what difference does it make?
If no one will speak to me in private, then I'll make all my conversations public.
That trashbag you call a jurisdiction has illegalized the placement of a ten-dollar bouquet of flowers on my doorstep. Why? Because it's an idiot jurisdiction that dies if I look at it crosseyed.
The President of the United States has okayed the delivery of flowers to me. There.
Now type up some legal papers by which flowers magically appear on my doorstep. I want them within a week.
If the Justice Department then takes issue with that action, I want you to protest that, indeed, the president has green lighted such a thing. The ensuing legal battle over whether the president of the United States actually okayed it will call into being a sequence of events that causes the jurisdiction to die.
Do you not know anything about law?
The touch pee-pee game is over. I want my ticket receipts, I want my flowers, and I want my life back. I'm gettin' old here, old man.
Also: The IRS has looked at their shoes and (wisely) declined a piece of me. I want refunded all backup withholding taken from me during my entire adult life. And I want interest.
I want a check from the Treasury within a month.
Thank you.