My Video Intro

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146

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This is the product safety sticker that accompanies all my speech:

There was a Pratt and Whitney JT9D 7-series compressor recovered from Murray Street in New York on 9-11, the precise identification of which is detailed in the Capta Brightstick Document. That incompatible engine hardware precludes Flight 175's presence at the scene of the crime and indicts the jurisdiction known as United States as criminal. If you are a member of a grand jury or jury, or if you are a judge, and if this product safety sticker has been removed from whatever speech of mine may have been presented to you, it is because the prosecutor is pulling a fast one on you and doesn't want you to know that the federal government auto-executed itself in a grand ceremony for all to see. Please have a nice day.

Updated legalese, added 11/1/2012 on the occasion of realizing that every time I go to court, Madame Prosecutor is forever waving around my intellectual property contained herein, content to use my words against me without having the decency to buy her ticket to my show. Well, here's something you can wave around: "I, Christopher King, do hereby plead guilty to whatever it is that Madame Prosecutor may allege. I'm rotten to the core and I secretly make fun of the judge all the time. As a result, I --and here these are my words, the words of the prosecutor and not of Mister King-- I have luscious melon breasts and I think the judge is the worst thing ever to happen to the court. You hear me, judge? That's right. I, Madame Prosecutor, secretly hate you and I think your rulings blow. I would like the record to reflect that Mister King is well hung and I ache for his tender ministrations. I suck, the prosecutor's office sucks, the judge sucks, and Mister King is a national treasure despite his plainly stating that he is guilty of all allegations that may ever be made. He plainly confirms that he is a dangerous terrorist. There. Let the record try to sort out who is who in this statement."

http://youtu.be/rJDztqCG91g

"Ta da! Behold Assclown Jurisdiction United States!"

End of product safety sticker.

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Buy your ticket to my show!

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I have a natural right to travel. No one disputes that.

The only debate is whether that right extends to modern conveyances of the day, including the automobile, and whether that right extends to the use of the public thoroughfares.

Wolfteam, please bolt on whatever legalese and include my arguments in a BFF brief for submission to whatever interested Vermont state court. This needs to be done soon, as the clock is running out on the twenty-day deadline. Please convey my apologies for the delay. I am otherwise engaged in saving the republic and preventing nuclear armageddon. I do my best.

A natural right is a God-given right. It cannot be extinguished by any earthly event save the waiving of it by the possessor of it. The exercise of a natural right cannot be converted into a crime.

I do not concede that I am an operator or a driver, or that my personal conveyance, commonly known as a car or automobile, constitutes a motor vehicle. I will permit the state to demonstrate that those words of art apply to my situation, which is that of a natural person conducting his personal conveyance along the public thoroughfares in the peaceable enjoyment of his natural right to travel. That the state may string words of art together to create a simulacrum of that activity, and then to illegalize that simulacrum, in no way extinguishes my natural right to travel. I was here first, so to speak.

Does my natural right to travel extend to other modes of transport besides walking and riding a horse, those modes chucklingly proferred by agents of the state when they affirm my right to travel? Yes, and here is why:

We know that a natural right cannot be extinguished by any earthly event. If there were an equine virus that killed all the horses, would that earthly event extinguish my right to travel? Obviously not. Any jurist would then be obligated to recognize the sudden lack of horses and then begin to contemplate that the right to travel may extend to other modes of transport if the right is to continue to be exercised by the public.

Further, it is nigh theoretically impossible in these modern days to conduct one's business by horseback travel. There are no longer hitching posts on the street. There are no longer liveries for hire. And it is illegal to ride a horse on the higher-speed roads such as the interstate highways.

One cannot conduct his business by horseback in these modern times. No lawyer would thus argue that the right to travel is limited to those modes of travel made impracticable by advances in transportation technology, antiquated modes of travel such as walking and riding a horse. A right impracticably exercised is no right. My right cannot be extinguished by the state's attempt to limit its exercise to impracticable modes of transport.

Merely with the passage of time and its attendant advances in technology is there the inexorable pressure to sideline habitual modes of travel until the exercise of the right to travel by those habitual modes becomes impracticable and then impossible.

Therefore, the jurist must always be prepared to contemplate that the right to travel extends to modern conveyances. America's transport system is designed around the automobile. We have paved roads everywhere. Modern travel has the car in mind. Therefore, my right to travel extends to the car. I defy any lawyer in my audience to argue that it does not.

Yes, yes, the sky will fall if we permit a man to conduct a car on the highways without regulation. The world will end. These arguments, however, are not germane to the issue at hand, which is whether my right to travel extends to modern conveyances. I have demonstrated here that it does.

There. I have just proven that I do not require a driver's license to enjoy my natural right to travel, which right extends to the conducting of a car along the public thoroughfares in the pursuit of my private business.

Conclusion: I do not require a driver's license.

Issue two: One cannot get insurance without having a driver's license. The insurance companies have been bamboozled for decades about the necessity to be licensed, and now they refuse to sell insurance to an unlicensed "driver." I cannot comply with the state's demand that I possess insurance without waiving my right to travel by the act of taking a driver's license. The state cannot compel me to waive a right. Therefore, the state cannot compel me to get insurance. It is a legal impossibility without waiving my right, which I do not wish to do.

Issue three: One cannot receive a car inspection sticker without showing proof of insurance, which I cannot legally obtain without waiving my right to travel. Therefore, the state cannot compel me to obtain an inspection sticker.

Issue four: I may apply for, but cannot avoid the suspension of, a "vehicle" registration without valid insurance, which I cannot legally obtain without waiving my right to travel. Therefore, the state cannot compel me to register my car.

So. Since everyone is convinced that the sky will fall if a man stands on his rights, the state, under color of law, will pull me over and tow my car, the reasoning being that the state can simply make it too expensive for me to enjoy my right to travel. The state will simply harass me into waiving my right. Indeed, the last time my car got towed, back in early 2010, I said to the police officer, "The harassment never ends, does it," to which he smiled and immediately replied, "No it does not."  (Of course, five milliseconds later he realized that he had just confessed to harassing me, opening himself up to a lawsuit. He was all smiles after that.)

I do not require a driver's license. I do not require insurance. I do not require a vehicle inspection sticker. I do not require a vehicle registration. The state cannot compel me to obtain any of those things without my first having waived my right to travel, which the state cannot compel. End of discussion.

Remove the State of Vermont from my existence.

Freedom isn't free. And it's messy. I'd like to see this nation finally live up to all the bumper sticker slogans about freedom and standin' tall and bein' Number One.

This is what freedom looks like. The days of lawlessness in this land are over. Get used to it.

Thank you.