My Video Intro

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146

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This is the product safety sticker that accompanies all my speech:

There was a Pratt and Whitney JT9D 7-series compressor recovered from Murray Street in New York on 9-11, the precise identification of which is detailed in the Capta Brightstick Document. That incompatible engine hardware precludes Flight 175's presence at the scene of the crime and indicts the jurisdiction known as United States as criminal. If you are a member of a grand jury or jury, or if you are a judge, and if this product safety sticker has been removed from whatever speech of mine may have been presented to you, it is because the prosecutor is pulling a fast one on you and doesn't want you to know that the federal government auto-executed itself in a grand ceremony for all to see. Please have a nice day.

Updated legalese, added 11/1/2012 on the occasion of realizing that every time I go to court, Madame Prosecutor is forever waving around my intellectual property contained herein, content to use my words against me without having the decency to buy her ticket to my show. Well, here's something you can wave around: "I, Christopher King, do hereby plead guilty to whatever it is that Madame Prosecutor may allege. I'm rotten to the core and I secretly make fun of the judge all the time. As a result, I --and here these are my words, the words of the prosecutor and not of Mister King-- I have luscious melon breasts and I think the judge is the worst thing ever to happen to the court. You hear me, judge? That's right. I, Madame Prosecutor, secretly hate you and I think your rulings blow. I would like the record to reflect that Mister King is well hung and I ache for his tender ministrations. I suck, the prosecutor's office sucks, the judge sucks, and Mister King is a national treasure despite his plainly stating that he is guilty of all allegations that may ever be made. He plainly confirms that he is a dangerous terrorist. There. Let the record try to sort out who is who in this statement."

http://youtu.be/rJDztqCG91g

"Ta da! Behold Assclown Jurisdiction United States!"

End of product safety sticker.

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Buy your ticket to my show!

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146.

Friday, July 27, 2012

"Corporate synergy" is precisely the right term.

To cover this summer’s Olympic Games, NBC News will deploy a journalistic force of some 450 people, including 25 reporters and its lead anchorman, Brian Williams. The network has been featuring Olympic updates on the Williams-anchored “Nightly News” and softer stories every morning on the “Today” show for weeks.

...

“The Olympics are, and have always been, a major international event,” said David Verdi, the network’s vice president of worldwide news gathering. “It’s a huge story of great interest to every part of our audience.”

But it might be a little bit more complicated than that.

...

The differing approaches to covering the Games may provide an illustration of the forces that sometimes shape the TV-news agenda. In this case, what constitutes “news” seems to depend on not just who’s playing, but also who’s paying.

NBC News’s parent company, of course, has a huge investment in the London Olympics. NBC Universal paid a record $2.2 billion to the International Olympic Committee in 2003 to become the “official” American broadcaster of the 2010 Winter and 2012 Summer games. The fee, which was nearly 50 percent higher than NBC’s winning bid for the previous Summer and Winter games, gives NBC the exclusive right to show Olympic events, starting with Friday’s Opening Ceremonies.

...

Meanwhile, NBC’s 10 owned-and-operated stations, including WRC, Channel 4 in Washington, will offer more coverage on their local newscasts. Each of the stations will have its own journalist at the Games; WRC’s Dan Hellie will file stories and features for his station throughout the two weeks of competition.

Critics see another agenda in all this. They suggest that much of this coverage is driven not by newsworthiness, but by corporate synergy, in which the news division generates stories to heighten interest in NBC’s prime-time Olympic telecasts.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/olympics-coverage-by-nbc-news-questioned/2012/07/26/gJQAUadXCX_story.html

People sometimes say, "Chris, you're kooky. If the world were as you say it is, we'd see it on the news. They are, after all, in the news business, where everyone is competing to 'scoop' everyone else. It's a self-correcting wonderland of natural-selection news excellence."

Uh huh.

We can see in the above example NBC News' --how shall we put it; generous-- dedication of airtime to a sporting event that no one I know even cares about.

In this case, let's say that the NBC News Division is across the hall from the NBC Entertainment division. And the heads of those divisions draw their paychecks from the same accounting office. They're on the same team. Their goals are congruent.

Is it some massive conspiracy? No, it's business.

Now. Is there some other division head somewhere who might draw his paycheck from the same accounting office as those two NBC heads? Maybe his office isn't across the hall; maybe it's across the street --in the bank that own a controlling stake in NBC, maybe?

You can see that corporate synergy need not be limited to divisions within one corporation. It can extend outside that corporation to other corporations whose bottom lines rise and fall in tandem.

And what is the one and only objective of a corporation? (We're back to the love of money. See how wonderful it is?)

It is a synergistic effect. It's the Terrism Gravy Train. And you'd better be on board or you're gonna miss out.

Here's how the con works:

  1. The accountants for various privately owned central banks inform their bosses that their currency is going into the shitter.
  2. Bank bosses decide they need a war for global hegemony to shore up the balance sheet and compel the use of their privately owned and issued currency as the global medium of exchange, such as is the case with the petrodollar.
  3. Bosses hire lackeys in CIA and Mossad to contract with Rabbi Zakheim for the use of his lend-lease tanker drones with 7-series engines.
  4. Bosses have some underling chat up Larry Silverstein and see if he's willing to lease some shithole in New York they can fly planes into.
  5. Bosses have their private property in the United States Government pass legislation to finger fuck everyone's asshole and prattle on and on endlessly about the terriss.
  6. Bank bosses tell their employees in whatever news media companies they own controlling stakes in that the terriss are here and that those news heads better get with the program and talk up the terriss or everyone's balance sheets are gonna crater, including the balance sheets of the weapons manufacturers that the bank bosses also own.

Ta da! And thus can we magically create reality and ruin the country! All in the name of corporate synergy!

Is it some massive conspiracy? No, it's business. You'd be surprised just how banal mass murder can be.

See how easy it is? You've been living inside Dreamland for the past decade and now your country is gone. You've raped and tortured and murdered your way across the globe, your national honor has completely disappeared, you've murdered a million people for no good goddamn reason, you are now regarded as a bunch of animals the world over, and pretty soon pervert goons from the TSA will be making you give a semen sample at the airport. All in the name of freedom!

(Oh, I almost forgot: It's also because you're Number One. [Of the one hundred percentiles.])

Good thing folks like me were Johnny on the Spot to hurry up and learn stand-up in six months and trigger legal responses as a means of multiplying their force by rebroadcasting their shows via surveillance channels and doing whatever all else to arrive just in time to snatch the Kool Aid away from you people. Imagine what you idiots would have accomplished given another ten years.

Trust me, I've got my work cut out for me.

You people are like the Heaven's Gate cult.

I think that as penance all Americans should have to wear matching blue Nike's for an entire year.