My Video Intro

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146

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This is the product safety sticker that accompanies all my speech:

There was a Pratt and Whitney JT9D 7-series compressor recovered from Murray Street in New York on 9-11, the precise identification of which is detailed in the Capta Brightstick Document. That incompatible engine hardware precludes Flight 175's presence at the scene of the crime and indicts the jurisdiction known as United States as criminal. If you are a member of a grand jury or jury, or if you are a judge, and if this product safety sticker has been removed from whatever speech of mine may have been presented to you, it is because the prosecutor is pulling a fast one on you and doesn't want you to know that the federal government auto-executed itself in a grand ceremony for all to see. Please have a nice day.

Updated legalese, added 11/1/2012 on the occasion of realizing that every time I go to court, Madame Prosecutor is forever waving around my intellectual property contained herein, content to use my words against me without having the decency to buy her ticket to my show. Well, here's something you can wave around: "I, Christopher King, do hereby plead guilty to whatever it is that Madame Prosecutor may allege. I'm rotten to the core and I secretly make fun of the judge all the time. As a result, I --and here these are my words, the words of the prosecutor and not of Mister King-- I have luscious melon breasts and I think the judge is the worst thing ever to happen to the court. You hear me, judge? That's right. I, Madame Prosecutor, secretly hate you and I think your rulings blow. I would like the record to reflect that Mister King is well hung and I ache for his tender ministrations. I suck, the prosecutor's office sucks, the judge sucks, and Mister King is a national treasure despite his plainly stating that he is guilty of all allegations that may ever be made. He plainly confirms that he is a dangerous terrorist. There. Let the record try to sort out who is who in this statement."

http://youtu.be/rJDztqCG91g

"Ta da! Behold Assclown Jurisdiction United States!"

End of product safety sticker.

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Buy your ticket to my show!

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

One of the advantages to having the disabling handicap known as Asperger's Syndrome is that I get a pass for speaking whatever truth pops into my head.

I can't help it. Blurting out the truth is actually part of my disability. Look it up. It's the perfect handicap for a comedian.
Out of ten years’ records of the Immigration and Naturalization Service cards filled out by passengers arriving on international flights of the Untied States, only one week is missing frm the National Archives in Washington, D.C., – the week of Barack Hussein Obama’s birth, and nobody seems to know where they went. The investigation report reads, “to date, investigators have not been able to locate the relevant airline passenger flight manifists for 1961.”
The National Archives has even confirmed the investigation’s report that not only are the INS records for those flights arriving in Hawaii during the week of Obama’s birth missing on the microfilm reels examined, the records are also missing in the primary database. And the evidence – or lack thereof – just keeps piling up.
The Kenyan government even investigated the possibility of Obama’s birth in Kenya, but Nairobi officials were unable to find evidence Obama was born in Kenya – instead officials said the government had “information” that relevant birth records may have been removed or were otherwise missing… An “interim report” by Kenya’s National Security Intelligence Service (NSIS) issued back in September 2008 concluded that a birth certificate in the name of Barack Hussein Obama may have been issued.” The report even went onto say that some leads require further investigation “because it appears some powerful forces as it were are hell bent in defeating this investigation.”

http://us2.campaign-archive1.com/?u=0c63abc741fff5c4813d80e0a&id=30ead7f76e&e=8b6f594bd3

In the future, I think that only people with disabilities should be able to write newspaper articles or appear on TV. That way, our political discourse will remain unpolluted by people who have no idea what they're talking about.

The two birth documents the man has presented are demonstrable forgeries. I have proven this to you. And as one does not forge a document one possesses, we may reasonably conclude that he does not possess birth documents from Hawaii.

And not only is there the presumption of his foreign birth, there is now mounting evidence that records of his mother's movements shortly after his birth are missing, as are Kenyan birth records.

This is now starting to tilt away from mere presumption of foreign birth and toward a conclusive Kenyan birth.

At the very least, we know that there is no evidence whatsoever to back up his claim of domestic birth. None. It's like me claiming on a resume that I have a PhD in Theoretical Physics from MIT. And when my employer finds out that I don't, wouldn't I get fired?

Why is that homeless man occupying the White House? Does he at least make improvements on the place? He has no legal right to live there.

What does it take to enforce the law in this joke of a nation?

Do you see that the jurisdiction is actually relinquishing any claim to the dicting of jurisness?

The man cannot demonstrate his eligibility for the office. And there now exists irrefutable evidence of some sort of electoral fraud. Remove that man from the White House immediately or look at your shoes when you speak to me.