My Video Intro

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146

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This is the product safety sticker that accompanies all my speech:

There was a Pratt and Whitney JT9D 7-series compressor recovered from Murray Street in New York on 9-11, the precise identification of which is detailed in the Capta Brightstick Document. That incompatible engine hardware precludes Flight 175's presence at the scene of the crime and indicts the jurisdiction known as United States as criminal. If you are a member of a grand jury or jury, or if you are a judge, and if this product safety sticker has been removed from whatever speech of mine may have been presented to you, it is because the prosecutor is pulling a fast one on you and doesn't want you to know that the federal government auto-executed itself in a grand ceremony for all to see. Please have a nice day.

Updated legalese, added 11/1/2012 on the occasion of realizing that every time I go to court, Madame Prosecutor is forever waving around my intellectual property contained herein, content to use my words against me without having the decency to buy her ticket to my show. Well, here's something you can wave around: "I, Christopher King, do hereby plead guilty to whatever it is that Madame Prosecutor may allege. I'm rotten to the core and I secretly make fun of the judge all the time. As a result, I --and here these are my words, the words of the prosecutor and not of Mister King-- I have luscious melon breasts and I think the judge is the worst thing ever to happen to the court. You hear me, judge? That's right. I, Madame Prosecutor, secretly hate you and I think your rulings blow. I would like the record to reflect that Mister King is well hung and I ache for his tender ministrations. I suck, the prosecutor's office sucks, the judge sucks, and Mister King is a national treasure despite his plainly stating that he is guilty of all allegations that may ever be made. He plainly confirms that he is a dangerous terrorist. There. Let the record try to sort out who is who in this statement."

http://youtu.be/rJDztqCG91g

"Ta da! Behold Assclown Jurisdiction United States!"

End of product safety sticker.

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Buy your ticket to my show!

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

It is generally easy to spot establishment fronts.

Danny Abdul Dayem, the establishment media’s poster child for a western military intervention in Syria, is touring America begging for a US-led assault on his homeland, despite being exposed as having faked war propaganda for the purposes of a CNN interview.
Although denying he is in the pay of CNN or any government, Dayem has been flying back and forth between Syria and the United Kingdom for months, and he has now arrived in America to begin a series of visits to Islamic centers to advocate a NATO bombardment to oust President Bashar Al-Assad.
...
Asked by CNN if the United States should invade Syria during a recent interview, Danny responded, “They can help, we’ll take help from anyone, Israel, we don’t care…this regime needs to be threatened, it needs to be attacked,” adding that the only way to stop Assad would be “an attack, an army attack, a no fly zone, that the UN hit all our air bases.”
Such talk has provoked suspicions that Dayem is working as an operative for western intelligence, and his antics in apparently staging propaganda for CNN to legitimize claims that Assad’s forces are indiscriminately killing innocent civilians has only deepened them.
As we reported last week, while waiting to make an appearance on 360 With Anderson Cooper, Dayem is heard preparing coordinated gunfire to make it appear as if he is in a warzone.
http://www.prisonplanet.com/syria-danny-tours-us-begging-for-military-intervention.html

Rule of thumb: "If a guy appears to be indicting the system AND he does not have two nickels to rub together, then it is likely that he is a true threat to the system and is thus not a front for it. On the other hand, if a guy appears to be indicting the system AND he has lots of money to travel everywhere AND if he is a media darling, then it is likely that he is a front for the very system he claims to be indicting."

I am swinging a 7-series compressor over my head on a chain, I can text message my own case in court, it appears that only the Secret Service can interview or arrest me, yet I can write my elected representatives all day long and never hear back from them; the media trumpet my "history of mental problems" despite there never having been such a thing, and my loser audience has STOLEN my comedy career from me by simply refusing to acknowledge my mere existence, much less buy their tickets so that I can hire writers and camera guys. It's like I don't even exist. Just to affirm my own existence in this existential no man's land, I sometimes have to entertain myself by rolling cop cars.

On the other hand, Syria Danny just pops up out of nowhere, he's got all this money to be jetsetting all over the place, and he's always on CNN as the face of organic resistance.

Uh huh.