My Video Intro

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146

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This is the product safety sticker that accompanies all my speech:

There was a Pratt and Whitney JT9D 7-series compressor recovered from Murray Street in New York on 9-11, the precise identification of which is detailed in the Capta Brightstick Document. That incompatible engine hardware precludes Flight 175's presence at the scene of the crime and indicts the jurisdiction known as United States as criminal. If you are a member of a grand jury or jury, or if you are a judge, and if this product safety sticker has been removed from whatever speech of mine may have been presented to you, it is because the prosecutor is pulling a fast one on you and doesn't want you to know that the federal government auto-executed itself in a grand ceremony for all to see. Please have a nice day.

Updated legalese, added 11/1/2012 on the occasion of realizing that every time I go to court, Madame Prosecutor is forever waving around my intellectual property contained herein, content to use my words against me without having the decency to buy her ticket to my show. Well, here's something you can wave around: "I, Christopher King, do hereby plead guilty to whatever it is that Madame Prosecutor may allege. I'm rotten to the core and I secretly make fun of the judge all the time. As a result, I --and here these are my words, the words of the prosecutor and not of Mister King-- I have luscious melon breasts and I think the judge is the worst thing ever to happen to the court. You hear me, judge? That's right. I, Madame Prosecutor, secretly hate you and I think your rulings blow. I would like the record to reflect that Mister King is well hung and I ache for his tender ministrations. I suck, the prosecutor's office sucks, the judge sucks, and Mister King is a national treasure despite his plainly stating that he is guilty of all allegations that may ever be made. He plainly confirms that he is a dangerous terrorist. There. Let the record try to sort out who is who in this statement."

http://youtu.be/rJDztqCG91g

"Ta da! Behold Assclown Jurisdiction United States!"

End of product safety sticker.

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Buy your ticket to my show!

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

The NSA couldn't care less about terriss. They're more concerned about waging information warfare on the whole of humanity.

On the day President Barack Obama proposed reforms to the secret Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, the National Security Agency shared a paper claiming legal authority for its spying and revealing that it "touches" 1.6 percent of Internet information.

The memo says that after the 2001 terror attacks, "Several programs were developed to address the U.S. Government's need to connect the dots of information available to the intelligence community and to strengthen the coordination between foreign intelligence and domestic law enforcement agencies," including the bulk collection of telephone and email records.

NSA: 1.6 Percent Of Internet Information 'Touched' By Us

Your finer military minds will understand what I am about to say.

The thing, the rationale, the true purpose: What is the thing? The thing is the installed hardware and whatever other technological and human systems necessary for the NSA's collection of all communications and signals.

What is the rationale? It's to catch the terriss, which can't even theoretically be true, as evidenced by that trashdiction's studious ignoring of incompatible engine hardware on Murray Street.

What is the true purpose? The true purpose of the thing is so that some among us can have knowledge of everything. The NSA is in the business of copying every last piece of information in 3-dimensional reality for the purpose of creating a computer-based simulacrum of this world. They are amassing all information for the purpose of creating a simulation in which they may wage information warfare, or, roughly, "war games".

Once you can uniquely identify all physical things in a 3-D space, and once you have the ability to log all signals communicated between those things, you can then model that reality inside a computer. And once you can model that reality, you can wargame it out; that is, your computers will tell you precisely what you have to do or say to bring about a desired outcome in the 3-D reality on which that simulation is based.

While operating under the guise of catching the terriss, the NSA has been busy installing all necessary equipment for creating the largest simulator ever, and for running the largest information warfare campaign ever.

The NSA is creating an abstraction layer in which they hope everyone will live. And since that abstraction layer will be gameable by the NSA, the NSA will be able to control everything in this 3-D world.

That's the plan, anyway. According to information theory, it works. They will succeed.

The independent power center known as the NSA is a threat to the whole of humanity. I cannot overstate that. The NSA needs to be terminated completely.