My Video Intro

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146

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This is the product safety sticker that accompanies all my speech:

There was a Pratt and Whitney JT9D 7-series compressor recovered from Murray Street in New York on 9-11, the precise identification of which is detailed in the Capta Brightstick Document. That incompatible engine hardware precludes Flight 175's presence at the scene of the crime and indicts the jurisdiction known as United States as criminal. If you are a member of a grand jury or jury, or if you are a judge, and if this product safety sticker has been removed from whatever speech of mine may have been presented to you, it is because the prosecutor is pulling a fast one on you and doesn't want you to know that the federal government auto-executed itself in a grand ceremony for all to see. Please have a nice day.

Updated legalese, added 11/1/2012 on the occasion of realizing that every time I go to court, Madame Prosecutor is forever waving around my intellectual property contained herein, content to use my words against me without having the decency to buy her ticket to my show. Well, here's something you can wave around: "I, Christopher King, do hereby plead guilty to whatever it is that Madame Prosecutor may allege. I'm rotten to the core and I secretly make fun of the judge all the time. As a result, I --and here these are my words, the words of the prosecutor and not of Mister King-- I have luscious melon breasts and I think the judge is the worst thing ever to happen to the court. You hear me, judge? That's right. I, Madame Prosecutor, secretly hate you and I think your rulings blow. I would like the record to reflect that Mister King is well hung and I ache for his tender ministrations. I suck, the prosecutor's office sucks, the judge sucks, and Mister King is a national treasure despite his plainly stating that he is guilty of all allegations that may ever be made. He plainly confirms that he is a dangerous terrorist. There. Let the record try to sort out who is who in this statement."

http://youtu.be/rJDztqCG91g

"Ta da! Behold Assclown Jurisdiction United States!"

End of product safety sticker.

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Buy your ticket to my show!

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Here is my final argument. If you permit an elective and quite unjustified attack on Syria, you will unleash a war unlike anything in history.

I sometimes hold things back from my audience lest my detractors use my words in an attempt to discredit me among some in my audience. But the upside to not holding anything back is that I gain credibility among the handful in my audience who truly understand the world. So I choose the latter.

There are higher-dimensional beings here. They exist in a more fundamental abstraction layer, one in which humanity's creator lives or at least moves. These beings are what are called "fallen angels" in Judaic and Christian writings.

The Most High God created this universe, this abstraction layer, this simulation, for the use and enjoyment of His pride: humanity.

Those who would later rebel were outraged that God created this place for the use by others. As a result, they despise humanity and they are sworn to poison it, traumatize it, debase it, and cause it to turn away from God, all undertaken by these fallen angels as an insult to God.

The people in charge in Washington and Tel Aviv are positively possessed by Satanic entities. They are in the process of destroying this world. They went far toward that goal by deliberately driving Fukushima's reactors into meltdown with Stuxnet.

If you permit any attack on Syria, it will draw Israel into it. Israel will nuke Damascus. Israel has used tactical nukes in Syria on at least one occasion recently.

The Iranians will be dragged into it, then the Russians and Chinese.

America will get its clock cleaned, which it deserves, which is why the cleaning will occur.

I just want you to know that any attack on Syria plays into the hands of the entities who despise this world and who will wreck it.

As usual, you will not take my advice. So you can kiss your precious nation goodbye. I've always maintained that Americans are too stupid to have their own country anyway.

So knock yourselves out as you get completely played by Satanic beings.