My Video Intro

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146

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This is the product safety sticker that accompanies all my speech:

There was a Pratt and Whitney JT9D 7-series compressor recovered from Murray Street in New York on 9-11, the precise identification of which is detailed in the Capta Brightstick Document. That incompatible engine hardware precludes Flight 175's presence at the scene of the crime and indicts the jurisdiction known as United States as criminal. If you are a member of a grand jury or jury, or if you are a judge, and if this product safety sticker has been removed from whatever speech of mine may have been presented to you, it is because the prosecutor is pulling a fast one on you and doesn't want you to know that the federal government auto-executed itself in a grand ceremony for all to see. Please have a nice day.

Updated legalese, added 11/1/2012 on the occasion of realizing that every time I go to court, Madame Prosecutor is forever waving around my intellectual property contained herein, content to use my words against me without having the decency to buy her ticket to my show. Well, here's something you can wave around: "I, Christopher King, do hereby plead guilty to whatever it is that Madame Prosecutor may allege. I'm rotten to the core and I secretly make fun of the judge all the time. As a result, I --and here these are my words, the words of the prosecutor and not of Mister King-- I have luscious melon breasts and I think the judge is the worst thing ever to happen to the court. You hear me, judge? That's right. I, Madame Prosecutor, secretly hate you and I think your rulings blow. I would like the record to reflect that Mister King is well hung and I ache for his tender ministrations. I suck, the prosecutor's office sucks, the judge sucks, and Mister King is a national treasure despite his plainly stating that he is guilty of all allegations that may ever be made. He plainly confirms that he is a dangerous terrorist. There. Let the record try to sort out who is who in this statement."

http://youtu.be/rJDztqCG91g

"Ta da! Behold Assclown Jurisdiction United States!"

End of product safety sticker.

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Buy your ticket to my show!

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146.

Monday, July 23, 2012

I may be taking a bagel with mah coffee.

Initial police accounts said he surrendered without incident to officers who found him at his car behind the theater complex. But Oates, in an interview on CBS’s “Face the Nation” on Sunday, described a more complicated scene in the minutes after the shooting. He said police arriving at the scene might have mistaken Holmes for a SWAT officer. He was allegedly dressed in black ballistic gear, including a helmet, a throat guard, a vest, leggings and gloves.

Oates said a piece of equipment in Holmes’s elaborate gear — he would not specify which piece — struck one of the responding officers as irregular. The officer questioned Holmes. Oates did not describe the exchange, only the result: Holmes was arrested.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/explosives-removed-from-james-holmess-apartment-and-destroyed-officials-say/2012/07/22/gJQAL9XN2W_story_1.html

How did this guy get all this elaborate SWAT gear? He was so convincingly dressed that he only had one piece of gear that was irregular? And it appeared irregular to only one responding officer?

See, had Holmes wanted to kill people and get away with it, he would have shot up the place and then thrown down his guns and screamed like a regular patron and run out in the ensuing mayhem. It makes no sense that he would wear protective body armor if he's going to be shooting unarmed movie patrons, and if he doesn't plan on shooting it out with the cops --which, apparently, he was not planning to do, as he surrendered without incident.

So he just stands there? In a complete SWAT outfit, to be questioned by one eagle-eyed responding officer? To allow himself to be taken into custody?

And there just coincidentally happened to be a law enforcement drill going on at the same time about just such a mass shooting? Uh huh. Sounds like what is known as "drill gone live."

The tragedy in Colorado had law enforcement officials across the country on high alert. As it turns out, Prince George’s County police already had plans to train for a mass shooting on July 20. News4′s Pat Collins has our report.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/pgpd-coincidentally-holds-mass-shooting-drill.html

And the guy just happened to amass all this weapons and explosives expertise while being a brain surgeon or whatever?

This doesn't add up.

I have a strong suspicion that our eagle-eyed responding officer who identified the one, slight irregularity in Holmes SWAT outfit had been pre-positioned to finger Holmes from the start, and that some slight detail in Holmes SWAT outfit had been irregular on purpose, as cover for explaining how our eagle-eyed cop identified the perp. That's how it works in these patsy put-up jobs.

I'd start by checking out that responding officer who arrested Holmes. How would a regular officer have a detailed knowledge of SWAT uniforms? And was there any DHS Fusion Center operating with the Aurora PD? (You will recall that the bankers who hired their lackeys in intelligence to fly drones in the Twin Towers had provided, within their draconian legislation, for the creation of their privately owned occupation government, the Department of Homeland Security. DHS ain't your friend.)

Would that responding officer have any unusual connection with DHS? Some kind of liaison, perhaps?

And I'd check with the Prince George County authorities and find out who it was over at United States they were working with in the planning of this "drill."

I guarantee you that all roads lead to Washington. And I can smell that stinking, fetid abortion called the Department of Homeland Security. They are, after all, the ones who've purchased hundreds of millions of rounds of ammo all of a sudden for some reason. Maybe they don't want the people being armed when they bring down the hammer on America's populace --the one, last hope for this dead nation formerly known as the United States of America.
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