My Video Intro

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146

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This is the product safety sticker that accompanies all my speech:

There was a Pratt and Whitney JT9D 7-series compressor recovered from Murray Street in New York on 9-11, the precise identification of which is detailed in the Capta Brightstick Document. That incompatible engine hardware precludes Flight 175's presence at the scene of the crime and indicts the jurisdiction known as United States as criminal. If you are a member of a grand jury or jury, or if you are a judge, and if this product safety sticker has been removed from whatever speech of mine may have been presented to you, it is because the prosecutor is pulling a fast one on you and doesn't want you to know that the federal government auto-executed itself in a grand ceremony for all to see. Please have a nice day.

Updated legalese, added 11/1/2012 on the occasion of realizing that every time I go to court, Madame Prosecutor is forever waving around my intellectual property contained herein, content to use my words against me without having the decency to buy her ticket to my show. Well, here's something you can wave around: "I, Christopher King, do hereby plead guilty to whatever it is that Madame Prosecutor may allege. I'm rotten to the core and I secretly make fun of the judge all the time. As a result, I --and here these are my words, the words of the prosecutor and not of Mister King-- I have luscious melon breasts and I think the judge is the worst thing ever to happen to the court. You hear me, judge? That's right. I, Madame Prosecutor, secretly hate you and I think your rulings blow. I would like the record to reflect that Mister King is well hung and I ache for his tender ministrations. I suck, the prosecutor's office sucks, the judge sucks, and Mister King is a national treasure despite his plainly stating that he is guilty of all allegations that may ever be made. He plainly confirms that he is a dangerous terrorist. There. Let the record try to sort out who is who in this statement."

http://youtu.be/rJDztqCG91g

"Ta da! Behold Assclown Jurisdiction United States!"

End of product safety sticker.

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Buy your ticket to my show!

Bitcoin Address: 1KtMQ32BoHqBAx4GFjLR1gLrBBp1BSnQs6

Or mail $100 to Chris King, Grafton, Vermont 05146.

Friday, March 16, 2012

For those with a childlike love of government--

--as opposed to those who understand the dangers inherent in a larger than necessary coercive force apparatus-- the TSA's job is to protect you. These big government types want a mommy and a daddy. And they innocently believe what people tell them. Indeed, if you don't necessarily believe every cock and bull story that comes down the pike, you're a dangerous anti-government extremist.

But the TSA's job is not to protect you. That organization's job is to ensure their own paychecks.
Former Congressman Bob Barr’s Liberty Guard organization has filed a lawsuit against the TSA after the federal agency refused to comply with a Freedom of Information Act request that sought to discover whether or not the TSA temporarily amended its security policies for political reasons during the height of the national opt out day protest in late 2010.
...
As we documented at the time, body scanners at major airports like Newark International were roped off and sat idle for the day, preventing people from being able to join the protest by opting out.
At the nation’s busiest airport, Atlanta-Hartsfield, there was,”limited, if any, use of the controversial full-body scanners,” the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported.
Later reports confirmed that, the TSA had “backed down and resorted to using the old screening procedures — metal detectors and less-intrusive pat-downs.”
The TSA even mockingly suggested that “What some protesters threatened as an opt out day has turned into a TSA appreciation day.”

http://www.prisonplanet.com/bob-barr-files-lawsuit-against-tsa-over-drudge-controversy.html

The TSA has access to legal mechanisms by way of DHS to request of Youtube (a Google, that is, NSA, asset) that Youtube delete or restrict videos which are represented to, uh, threaten national security or something, but which turn out to be merely critical of the TSA and thus threaten their paychecks and their empire. Here is one that shows how the naked body scanners are completely useless, a video that Youtube then made age-restricted despite there being nothing salacious or mature about it:


So those body scanners do absolutely nothing (but enrich Michael Chertoff) AND they cause cancer. Great idea.

After being called out, Youtube then de-restricted the video. You no longer have to log in and affirm that you are 18 years of age to watch it.

And then when journalists sought to get a comment from TSA about that very video, they were "strongly cautioned" not to pursue the story:

It seems the TSA isn't so happy about the dissemination of a blogger's contention that you can sneak dangerous stuff through security by placing it along the side of your body. The blogger says reporters complained that the TSA tried to get them not to write about the story.
In an email to the blogger posted at TSA Out of Our Pants, one reporter wrote "I received an email from the TSA saying they would 'strongly caution' me against covering the story. They say you're a man that "clearly has an agenda" and should 'not be aided by the mainstream media.' "
A writer at Smarter Travel also says the TSA "strongly cautioned" her not to write about the story, but she did anyway.
http://consumerist.com/2012/03/reporters-tsa-strongly-cautions-against-writing-about-security-loophole.html

I've no idea what country these losers over at DHS and the TSA think they're living in, but it is definitely not in keeping with American values (albeit in suspended animation for the past ten years) to have government employees (who simply aren't cut of the cloth necessary to catch the terriss) presume to look their masters in the eye, much less "strongly caution" them not to cover a story that proves that TSA is 100% staffed by dead weight who do absolutely nothing.

The TSA serves no function, and its employees don't want anyone discovering this. That is why they don't comply with FOIA requests. It's not for national security, my little dream child.

A return to first principles in this country entails recognizing that civil servants are precisely that. They are not "leaders" and they are not "authorities," no matter what high falutin' title they choose to print on their business cards. They are the hired help, nothing more, and their function is to tend to the proper functioning of the mutual defense association.

Do you remember the good ol' days of the exaltation of government, back in the days of Ike or Kennedy or Nixon, where people didn't just bust a gut and roll their eyes at that feckless band of goofs in Washington?

I've spent seven years pointing out the terriss, and I didn't even get whacked yet. The fairy queens did all the heavy lifting for you. Now go catch the bad men.